For a couple of years I've been saying to myself, it's time for the next phase of my life to start. It's starting. I was apartment hunting in Cape Cod and found a couple of great ones and will make a decision in a day or two while making myself anxious about money as well. However, it is time. This is the fourth phase and, of course, I'd have to be irrational not to realize it's also the final phase. So I want to be comfortable, able to do things I enjoy, including such simple things [which I can't do here] as sit outdoors in the sun and eat breakfast during the summer.
So it is a time of decision, a time of balancing being sensible and of making for myself a lifestyle that will be satisfying. I am looking at an adult living complex which offers things I don't have now such as an inhour gym and library and a community of people I can easily come to know. I am not looking for lavishness but I want to be comfortable and after 25 years in a cramped NYC apartment with a kitchen without counter space, with an old refrigerator that is not self-defrosting, tiny cabinets, it would be good to have a real kitchen with dishwasher and modern refrigerator, simple things. A view of the sky which I haven't had never since the damned high rise was built beyond my windows.
Times, as we all know, are tough. My savings are not what they were a year ago but this is the time they were saved for. I heard a possibility of a part time job and I'm sure I'll find something. Many things were suggested that will ease the transition. Still I will have several weeks of interrupted sleep and I will lie awake at 2:30 a.m. and think of Pema Chodrun's advice to accept what is, that it's a transition time and that is always anxiety making. Live it,recognize it [call it by it's name as Confucius would say to do] accept it. It is easier when thought about in that way than if I were to become anxious every time I have a restless night or if I were to tell myself there's no reason to be anxiou. Worry defines problems one can prepare to solve. So ... I'll probably be writing about tension and transtion for some weeks now.
[The photo is the "shell tree" on a beach on Cape Cod, a sight I love to visit].
The mid-70s are a surprise! Part of me remains in the 50s -- age, I mean, not decade of 20th century. It's a joy ride, new experiences land in my lap and I've become a better quilter, poet, writer than I expected. It's a rich life for a person never rich financially. Hey, this is what the mid-70s are like!